Just turned 22 today. I have mixed feelings about it, but it is what it is.

Still waiting for the right time to get a new HD for my laptop to get it going again, and still struggling with money...

That's about it for now.

As I always say, the best things in life are shitty.

Really shitty.

Birthday countdown: 0 days (fuck getting old--I'm turning 22 on February 12th)

If only I had shittier days.

A lot has been going on lately, more of which I'll get into at another time.

For now, enjoy this video I took several months ago of this homeless schizo smoking on the N train, and say hi to him if you see him anywhere in NYC.

NY has just legalized pot and prostitution. Rejoice and all of that nonsense.

...

Other news: party at my apartment coming up soon. How soon, I don't know. I'm ironing out the details. Could be a couple or a few months away. Ask me for details or an invite.

I fucking love beaches. Always have.

Some people here know that I've been on a whirlwind beach tour lately all across NYC and parts of Long Island. I just find beaches immensely therapeutic in ways I can't describe. Maybe it has to do with that magical combination of solitude and ocean breeze. It would be nice to have a companion too, but that isn't mandatory.

Also, it'd be nice to have sex on one of these beaches, but realistically, that probably won't happen. Especially over here.

Whoosh.

This is my first news post all year, but I'll keep it short and sweet this time.

Today is my 21st birthday (birthday thread link here--thanks to Twilight for posting it and making it utterly and scatologically awesome). I have mixed feelings about it, and it's probably going to be the last truly happy birthday I'll ever have in my life, since every subsequent age after 21 is usually bad. It's good to finally be 21 and be able to drink legally, even though I've already been drinking illegally for many years. I was only 5 when I had my first can of beer and 6 when I had my first sip of whiskey (I hated it back then--it was too strong for me).

So what do I plan on doing? If anyone needs me, I'll be online early in the day, and then I'll head off to a friend's house in Brooklyn to get high. I'll buy a pack of beer and a little bit of liquor for later consumption. Later on, I'll be in a bar where Grub will most likely join me. I'll still have my phone obviously in case anyone needs to call, text or tweet me. I never go anywhere without my phone.

Life has been fucking tough for me lately, but I'll get to most of that in a later news post. I've had a number of depressing days lately, but I think it's important not to make my birthday one of them. I also know that despite whatever I'm going through, there are a lot of people out there that have it tons worse, and I'm grateful for what I already have. I also try to give whenever my finances allow it...giving is almost always more gratifying than receiving.

I'm going to conclude this with a not-so-random shit picture on my phone. It's a shit I took myself on October 18th and somehow it came out as a "meh" face. One of my favorite shits ever.

A hug. Just one. Maybe more if I feel like it.

I've found in the past that a good hug can be an excellent de-stressor. That just goes without saying. The problem is that lately, I haven't been getting nearly enough hugs, and I've been falling apart again mentally as a result.

My life lately has been almost nothing but work work work, study study study. Sounds typical, right? Well, yeah it is, but still, all of that just amounts to an high level of stress that only hugs can alleviate, or so I think.

Additionally, I'm almost always tired no matter how much or how little sleep I get. Chronic fatigue sucks major dick, and I often find myself sound asleep during lectures because my body loves to give up on me. It sucks. I feel like I'm regressing to the level of intense despondency that marked my high school and early college years.

But first, I just need a hug.

Anyone want to help me out here?

Touching ground
Going home to those I miss
Safe and sound
Weeks of exile turn to bliss
But there's something in her voice
When she's is calling me
A trace of to lead me through roads of agony
With blood taste in my mouth and clouds before my eyes
I kneel beside the bed where my bleeding dryad lies

Three young souls in misery

Hitting ground
Nausea wakes me up at dawn
Hopes are found
Dissected, turned and then withdrawn
A chair of steel and wire
Her legs are open wide
Helpless in myself I stand there cold beside
The doctors stay away
Leave us with this dismay
To see the colors of a miracle fade and turn to grey

Then a cry and rivers of blood flow so sadly
Bringing you
Our dreams pour into a cold tray
Two young souls in misery
Missing you

I never knew your name but I will miss you just the same
I was to live for you
I lost the will to live at all the day you came
It'll never be the same but I will love you just the same
You were to be the first, how wonderful
Now I will always fear to hope again

The irony of seeing me whispering through her skin
So joyfully to our child there deep within
Or of when she called to me to tell me cheerfully
That she had seen our shape on a hospital screen
And of nurses being concerned that you never moved or turned
Too late we see the warning
Too late we learn

I never saw your face and now you're gone without a trace
Except the trace of blood that's deeply scarred into my eyes to fill your place
It'll never be the same but I will love you just the same
I was prepared to be your father
How can I ever prepare for that again?

Still I follow that trace of blood
Always leading back to you
Hollow years of damming that flood
Two young souls in misery

Missing you...missing you...

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You'll never guess.

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I'm lost for words
It's written in my eyes
You're all I want
You're the one

Just try to capture your heartbeat
Helps me to forget the pain
Baby you make me feel complete
You are the one
And by your side I strip my pride
You are the one

I'm lost for words
It's written in my eyes
You're all I want
You're the one

All the words on this Earth
Lose their meaning when I'm with you
I love you for what it's worth
You are the one
And by your side I strip my pride
You are the one

I'm lost for words
It's written in my eyes
You're all I want
You're the one
I don't mind if it hurts
Heart shaped scars
You're all I want
You're the one

You are the one

And by your side I strip my pride
You are the one

I'm lost for words
It's written in my eyes
You're all I want
You're the one
I don't mind if it hurts
Heart shaped scars
You're all I want
You're the one